Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
