my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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