The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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