she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
