If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
