some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
