my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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