how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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