Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
