Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
