Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
