I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
