I wannas sexs uuuuu
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i think my cat just said my name.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
