I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
