Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
