How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
