I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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