Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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