Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
