I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
this boner is exhausting
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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