that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
