i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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