we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
it's great music for shaving your balls
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
