there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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