ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
