Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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