Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
