THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
