Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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