Where did you get a picture of my penis
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
