Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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