I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
