The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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