fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
