I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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