the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
