i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
