you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
