my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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