she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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