I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
