just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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