like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
