Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
