After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
