A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
