Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
