speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
