dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
