god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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