i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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