She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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