remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
