there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
