I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
