My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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