Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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