Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize