I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
