NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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