i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
