We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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