I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
