Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
