hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
