don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
