Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i think i just lost a toe
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
