i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
