anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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