Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
