Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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